Today I realized something: I’m a workaholic.

I’m not necessarily a workaholic in the sense that I absolutely love what I do and want to work all the time because of it. (I’m an auditor. Do you know any auditors who truly love their job?) However, this busy season has shown me that I will do whatever it takes to get something done and off my list (and done as perfect as possible…me = perfectionist). I can’t take a break until I see those pretty little lines striking through my to-do items.

This afternoon I became fully aware of this as I was talking with a dear co-worker. Prior to talking to her, I was completely aware of the fact that I take on way too much at times and can be stressed because of it (and hence the working late to get it done). I asked her, “Can you tell by my face that I’m stressed?” She replied that it wasn’t my face that gave it away, but rather my energy. There is a vibe of stress that I give off. Friends, I don’t want to give off that vibe!

I am incredibly thankful for my co-workers, who are not afraid to continually ask me how I’m doing and who remind me to take a break once in a while and not get burnt out. I’m sure that this is such a different experience from what most people know in a work environment. Truly, God has blessed me with these people.

On the drive home tonight, I began to see how I’m not only a workaholic in a physical sense but also in a spiritual sense. People that know me well know that I have struggled often to believe and rest in the work of Christ rather than my own works. It seems to have been ingrained within me since I was a young girl that the only way to keep the Lord’s love and favor is by working for it. Sure, I understand that God’s grace is sufficient for my salvation, but is it really sufficient for my sanctification? My actions would show that I don’t believe it is. 

About 8 months ago, I heard this sermon by Tullian Tchividjian which the Holy Spirit used to a) convict me of my disbelief in the sufficient work of Christ, and b) encourage me to rest in His work. (Also, thanks to Pastor Jacob Vanhorn for additionally encouraging me to rest.) Isn’t that the whole point of the Gospel?  That it’s not my work whatsoever that gets me right-standing with God, but that it’s only by the work of Christ that I stand holy and blameless before Him? Truth would tell me it is:

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Eph. 2:8-9

“…he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit…” Titus 3:5

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor. 12:9

“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.” Jude 24

I’m human, which means I’m finite and imperfect. I will never “work” perfectly, and there are times like these that I will stumble and fall. But praise be to God that He comes for sinners like me (Mark 2:17) and that he has offered me rest from my work through the work of Jesus Christ on the Cross. His righteousness is now mine. I do not have to work for his favor or love towards me. This incredible truth frees me from being anxious or worried about my work — both physically and spiritually.

May I be diligent to enter his rest:

“There remains therefore a Sabbath rest for the people of God. For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall through following the same example of disobedience.” Hebrews 4:9-11